How am I supposed to man-handle my stress if it’s attached to my unconscious mental iceberg and I’m not even aware it’s down there? Huh?!
I think that what I’ve been doing recently is shoveling my stress into my unconscious and letting THAT have a go at it. And it isn’t working out. And it’s causing me a tummy ache. The only reason I think this is what I’ve done is because I’ve done it before – a long time ago while I was growing up with an abusive step-monster. I think I recognize this. I used to get so worked up over the tension between us and in our house that I could barely walk upright. That’s how I’m walking around now. My body is actually having a negative physical reaction to stuff I thought I was handling. I really thought I was constructively dealing with issues that land on my front porch every day.
I’d like to know which part of my body has the job of shooting surface level drama and stress down into my unconscious which, doesn’t seem to have a clue what to do with it. Why on earth are we built this way and who’s in charge!?!? I want to talk to that person/thing!!
I’m tying to talk myself out of this dark mental place, but I’m not sure how I got here in the first place. I think my unconscious is partly to blame because I feel that at my age (we’ve been together for 51 years) it should have a better handle on my stress. But it doesn’t. It’s shoots crap back up into my consciousness as double-talk gobbly gobbly. And what doesn’t come back up gets shoved down into my belly which is now in knots. And Pepto Bismol isn’t helping. And the knots are wrapping around my sides into my lower back. It’s W E I R D. Here I sit, thinking I was handling new sobriety just dandy and – o – no. I was W A Y off.
I know that on the top of my mental iceberg, I do a great job at managing the shit that comes my way. But how I deal with this stuff unconsciously is beyond me. Here’s the question: How do people DEAL with stress when they don’t even recognize they’re experiencing it? Or when they think they are but obviously aren’t.
Oh wait, they don’t because they can’t. We can’t attend to things we aren’t aware of. Heeelllloooooo? I’m certain there’s more of a lesson going on here that I just haven’t grasped yet.
So. What do I do? I’m not sure.