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How Did That Bottle Get Under My Pillow!?


Look! Here’s another one behind the living room curtains! And here’s a new bottle of vodka in the guest bedroom closet under a stack of blankets. Of all the weird shit! No!! I swear! I have no idea how this stuff got there.



I swear.

I speak no lies.

PUHLEASE. And I don’t know which is sadder – that the alcoholic says weird unbelievable crap like that or that the person they’re talking to wants to believe it.

I used to hid my alcohol ALL THE TIME. I didn’t keep it under my pillow because that would have been uncomfortable, but I’d keep it under the bed on my side. That way if I wanted some, I could just heave my ownbadself over and get a few swallows in without leaving bed.

My ex husband threw away a lot of my alcohol back in the day so I learned to hide it really well. Sometimes, I’d hide it so well, even I would forget where I put it. But I didn’t make that mistake too often. I learned that the best place to hide my alcohol was among his things. I could also hide my stash in the kitchen because he was no cook. The oven worked on countless occasions.

And then of course, the places to hide alcohol outside are nearly countless. Where there’s a will – and us alcoholics have one – there’s a way. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I liked hiding mine because it offered me a sense of security. Knowing that I had hidden liquor was like knowing I had an extra $1000 stashed away for an emergency or a rainy day. It made me feel safe.

Since I’ve become sober, I’ve learned of new and even sneakier places to hide the intoxicating liquid – a binoculars flask, a hairbrush flask, and I’m sure there are others.

That’s C R A Z Y! We’re CRAZY!

If you think your friend/loved one/partner/daughter/son/fill in the blank is drunk – they most likely are. The evidence will be overwhelming and unquestionable. Especially if they’re walking around ALWAYS smelling like toothpaste or mouthwash. You have to ask yourself – just how many times a day does Cindy Joe brush her teeth?

Published by Jennifer

I've finally found my happy place in sobriety. Yay! Go Me!

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