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What Speaks To Your Heart?


Sometimes, I remind folks that when we decide to get sober and leave our drug of choice behind, essentially – we’re breaking up with it. My relationship was with alcohol and drinking it. Alcohol was always there for me – as long as I had the $$$ to buy it. I knew where to find it and I knew what to expect once I drank some.

Over time, as I continued to drink, it began to abuse me as much as I abused it. It began to hurt. Over time, I had to ingest more to feel the same effects. Over time, I started to feel badly without having had any. Over time, I began to start drinking earlier and earlier every day because if I didn’t, I would get physically sick. And over time – everything I did revolved around alcohol and drinking.

Did I have any alcohol? Where did I plan to buy some? How much would I get? What kind would I buy? How much money did I have or need? Where could I hide it? How soon did I need it? What might be the best route to go get it? Could I afford enough for the following morning?

It was pretty fucked up. Thoughts like those consumed me.

Once I got sober, I had to reinvent myself and discover which activities I could do – outside work – that spoke to my heart. And in the place of drinking, I started to do those things. I read a lot. I write. Journal. I bought a couple of kittens and I take care of them. I exercise. I have a boyfriend again. I cook. And then I go to bed, just to start all over again the next day. And this has been going on for 10 months. I am all too aware of the passing of time and that it no longer feels good to go to bed feeling as though I didn’t accomplish at least one small task that day. While I don’t want to avoid what occurs within me during sobriety by staying too busy, I can’t very well lay around looking at the ceiling all day either.

What speaks to your heart? Are you listening?

Published by Jennifer

I've finally found my happy place in sobriety. Yay! Go Me!

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