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I Was Drunk At My Own Wedding

The following is an excerpt from my book Saturation, A Memoir. My work can be found on Amazon here:


“I could not have been more thrilled to be moving to Canada. Vancouver is only a two hour drive north of Seattle. I didn’t care so much about the city Dick and I were moving to as I cared about the environment. All I believed was that I needed t be surrounded by the energy that saturates the Pacific Northwest. Everything fell together without a hiccup.

Every decision I made was made under the influence of alcohol, including my decision to marry Dick. In May of 2005 my parents and his mother and sister witnessed us exchange vows on a bluff in Mendocino, California. My sons didn’t attend. I refused to allow them to take part in a ceremony based on emotional corruption. Dick moved to Vancouver the same week we got married to start his new job while I stayed in Colorado with my sons until they finished the school year. A week after school let out, I hugged them good-bye and sent them to live with their fathers. I knew at that point that my drinking was about to introduce me to the bowels of hell.

I hadn’t bothered to ask them how they felt about being separated from me or from each other. I hadn’t asked them how they felt about me marrying Dick, a man I was actually appalled by, and I hadn’t bothered to ask them how they felt about me moving to Canada without them. My constant intoxication prevented me from thinking or feeling too deeply about anything that mattered.

I told my boys that I would fly them out for visits and that I expected to move them out to Canada a year after Dick and I settled in. Of course, that never happened. I disassociated completely from what I thought they might be experiencing and feeling. And I disassociated from myself. I became a master at feeling nothing but contempt for Dick and a inconceivably overwhelming desire for more alcohol. I let my saturated mind take over and it did, without hesitation.”

Published by Jennifer

I've finally found my happy place in sobriety. Yay! Go Me!

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