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I’m Uneven


Have you ever noticed that about yourself?

I just got in from the gym where I killed it on the Elliptical. I was well into my groove when I noticed, as I was staring at a playground set across the street, that my body felt even – evenly balanced on both legs. My spine was straight and my weight felt equal on both sides from my shoulders down through my hips and legs, to my feet. (This was probably more noticeable to me due to the fact that I had horrendous posture as a kid and it was suggested by more than one doctor that I wear a back brace. The term scoliosis comes to mind, but I digress.).

Anyway, I looked down at my feet expecting to see them evenly spaced apart on the little Elliptical steps, and to my shock and horror, they weren’t even close to being even. My right foot was at least an inch more forward on the step than my left and my left foot was in the center of the step while my right was closer to the left edge. And if that’s not bad enough, neither thigh moved directly over my knees as I walked down.

So I straightened my legs, moved my feet under my thighs, readjusted my spine, spaced my feet apart evenly and then looked up. And I felt completely crooked and uneven. I could feel it in my back and shoulder and it seemed my left leg was getting a much greater workout than my right. SERIOUSLY?! I’ve always known my spine is a bit crooked, but COME ON!! I’m thinking to myself, “Is this noticeable in pubic?

I had to decide right then and there what to do. So – I stared at the wall – evened myself out in my mind, and finished my workout. I think that must have been the right thing to do because as I walked home, I was all sweaty, my heart was pounding, and both legs felt the same amount of fatigue, which indicated to me – my workout was a success! YAY! Balance is created in my mind – not with my sight. At least when it comes to this!

Of course, once I got home I had to see just how uneven my face is by holding a small mirror on it’s edge on my driver’s license photo. AURGHHH! My face is not the same on both sides! I don’t even know if I’d recognize myself if my features were even.

This is really hard for me! (not) I’m a Libra for crying out loud!

I suppose I’m just going to have to be imperfectly Okie Dokie just the way I am. I’m all I’ve got.

Published by Jennifer

I've finally found my happy place in sobriety. Yay! Go Me!

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