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Getting Sober

What a pain in the ass. Literally. Getting sober is such an ordeal, and what alcoholics go through to actually get there is just ridiculous not to mention excruciating. It’s ridiculous because most of us have to talk ourselves into it. We think crazy shit like reasoning out our sobriety date. For example, we want a memorable date so we pick numbers that either repeat, like 2/22 because it sounds and looks cool, or we pick numbers that parallel a significant event in a family member’s life like our maternal great aunt’s birthday, 4/17. Okay, so we finally deduce that Tuesday should work. Everything works out. It’s also the least exciting day of the week and it falls after the weekend, but not immediately after. So Tuesday should do just fine.

Here’s an example of our internal drama: We want to have the weekend to drink because it’s the weekend and everybody knows that one thing people do on the weekend, especially Friday and Saturday night, is drink. And we want Monday free because it’s -well, Monday. Monday is the beginning of the week, we do laundry on that day and stuff usually happens to someone somewhere, and we might need to be available. So Tuesday it is. Bring on Tuesday! The numbers line up and so do the stars. Tuesday is the day to get sober!

Except when Tuesday arrives, getting sober on that day turns out to be not such a great idea. Not a good day to stop drinking. Why? Because. Just because. It feels wrong. Thursday suddenly feels more appropriate. And we can’t quit on Wednesday, HELLO?, because that’s the middle of the week and something could come up. So – Thursday it is. Except Thursday just so happens to fall on the 23rd which is an odd number and not even close to our maternal great aunt’s birthdate. It’s close to our cousin Teddy’s birthday but he’s a douche. No good. And getting sober on an odd number day of the month is a just a terrible idea. Nobody does that. So we push it back to Friday because Friday falls on an even number of the month. Even if it’s not our great aunt’s birthday – hey, it’s someone’s birthday. Except then we realize that we can’t get sober on a weekend night because that’s just retarded. Nobody does that. So now it’s back to Monday again.

Monday should work. Except it turns out that Monday is just too soon after the weekend and if anything, we might need some wine or a few brewskies to subdue our weekend hangover, so Monday is actually not an option. We ultimately decide to mull the whole thing over until a more reasonable day of the week occurs, which it never does.

It’s madness! And we do it! That’s our logic! And of course – all this internal nonsense takes place while we’re drink. Because the more we saturate ourselves with alcohol, the better we feel and the more logical we become. Or so we think.

For you addicts/alcoholics out there … THERE IS NEVER A PERFECT TIME OR DAY TO QUIT. NOW. RIGHT THIS SECOND IS THE PERFECT TIME AND DAY TO QUIT. The longer you prolong quitting, the more you think about it, the more asinine excuses you come up with – the harder it is to do. JUST DO IT so that you can put the event that it is behind you.

Now that I’m through withdrawal and accumulating sober days, I get it. Life is definitely a different reality altogether on this street. And it’s not near as bad as I thought I remembered it. Sure -shit happens. But shit happened when I was drunk, too, and getting through or over it was a lot more challenging back then. Back then I could barely make it to the bathroom. Life’s just – easier this way. And it’s saner. And my body doesn’t hurt as much. And the psychological terror of the DTs is gone.

I can always go back to drinking. Knowing that makes staying sober a lot easier.

Published by Jennifer

I've finally found my happy place in sobriety. Yay! Go Me!

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